Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
