Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
