TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
