Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Your dad touched me again.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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