We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
