The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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