I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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