Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
