I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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