she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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