Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
