My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
