Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
