so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
