I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
