dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
