Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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