I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
