There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
