I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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