party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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