I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
