My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
