I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
