Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
