we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
