this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
