Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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