Pants 0. Shit 1.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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