the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
