So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize