I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
