My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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