very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
