You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
