May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
