Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
