Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
