i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize