I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We need to rekindle our bromance
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
