My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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