so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
