I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
