I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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