i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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