officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
