i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
