Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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