omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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