I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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