I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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