i think my tv is drunk
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just google imaged poop.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Randomize
