Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
