Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
