i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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