Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
