I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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