Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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