And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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