i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
