I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
