is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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