she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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