Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
