they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
