WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
