he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
