K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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