we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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