So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
