No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
